How to Find an Emo Boyfriend (Who Sends You Songs)

An emo boyfriend sounds pretty great, honestly. Someone who'll make you playlists, remember your favorite bands, paint his nails with yours and argue passionately about whether The Black Parade is the best concept album ever made. If that's what you're after, you're in luck. Emo is back in a big way, and emo guys are easier to find than they've been in years.

Here's where to look, how to start talking and how to tell when you've found a good one.

What makes an "emo guy" anyway?

There's no checklist. Emo guys come in all styles:

The 2000s classic: side fringe, eyeliner, skinny jeans, studded belt, a Fall Out Boy hoodie he's had since high school.
The Midwest emo guy: flannel, a beanie, a math-rock guitar tuning he wants to explain to you, American Football on repeat.
The screamo guy: heavier music, more black, still a total softie.
The new-school emo guy: found the scene recently through newer bands or nostalgia nights and is going all in.
The quiet one: you'd never know he was emo until he opens his car and Brand New starts playing.

What they usually share is a love of music that hits hard emotionally, a sense of humor about themselves and strong opinions on band discographies.

Where to meet emo guys

Emo nights

Emo nights are the easiest win. They're club nights playing emo and pop punk, and the crowd is social and friendly. Everyone's singing, so starting a conversation feels natural. Find one with our guide to emo nights near you.

Shows

Small local shows are great for meeting people because you'll see the same faces again. Emo and pop-punk crowds tend to be welcoming. Talk to people at the merch table or between sets.

Skate parks, comic shops and game nights

Lots of emo guys hang out in places that aren't strictly "emo." Skating, comics, video games, tabletop games and horror movie screenings all overlap with the scene.

Festivals

When We Were Young in Las Vegas is the giant of the emo and pop-punk festival world. Smaller regional festivals and touring package shows also bring the scene together.

Online

If you'd rather meet people from your couch, alt-focused apps make it simple. On Alt Chat, you can swipe through alt people nearby or worldwide, and many profiles have an Anthem, a song that plays on the profile. It's a fast way to tell if you two would get along. The live Night Chats rooms are also a relaxed place to hang out and talk before anything gets romantic.

How to make your profile stand out

Show your style. A clear face photo, a full outfit shot and one candid at a show or with friends.
Pick an Anthem or profile song. This is your best conversation starter. See our tips on choosing a profile song.
Name your bands. "I'll fight anyone about Deja Entendu" gives people something to reply to.
Show your sense of humor. Emo culture loves a joke at its own expense.
Say what you're looking for. Dating, friends, a show buddy, all valid.

How to start the conversation

Music first, always.

"Your profile song is so good. What album is it from?"
"Settle this: Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge or The Black Parade?"
"Who's the most underrated emo band of all time? Wrong answers only."
"I see a Fall Out Boy shirt. Favorite era?"
"Be honest, how many hoodies do you own?"

Keep it short, specific and easy to answer. For lots more openers, check our guide to first messages for alt dating apps.

Things to skip

Don't treat his style like a joke. If he wears eyeliner and painted nails, that's part of his look. Compliment it or just enjoy it.
Don't say "it's just a phase." Plenty of people have been emo for twenty years.
Don't gatekeep. Pop-punk fans, screamo fans and people who only know the hits are all welcome.
Don't open with a quiz. Nobody wants to prove they're a real fan to get a reply.

Date ideas that fit

Go to an emo night and sing every word together
See a small local band and buy their shirt
Swap playlists and listen side by side
Go thrifting for band tees and hoodies
Visit a record shop and pick albums for each other
Do a 2000s music video marathon at home
Paint each other's nails (a classic)

You'll find more in our goth first date ideas. Lots of them work for emo couples too.

Green flags to look for

A great emo boyfriend is, first, a great boyfriend. Look for someone who:

Shares music generously. He sends you songs because he thought you'd like them, not to show off.
Remembers things. Your favorite band, your bad day, the show you wanted to go to.
Shows up. To your stuff, your friends' stuff, the show you're excited about.
Is kind to your friends. Always a good sign.
Has a sense of humor. Especially about himself.
Communicates. He actually says how he feels instead of making you guess.

Red flags, briefly

He mocks your taste or makes you feel like you're not "emo enough."
He's moody in a way that becomes your problem to fix.
He only talks about himself and his band.
He makes you feel bad about your look.

Being emo is about loving music that feels big. It's not an excuse for treating people badly.

Sending songs

Emo culture runs on sending songs. It's flirty, low-pressure and a great way to show you're thinking about someone. Start with something you love. If you need inspiration, here are emo songs to send your crush.

The short version

To find an emo boyfriend, go where emo guys already are (emo nights, shows, skate parks, festivals and alt apps), lead with music, be genuinely curious and look for kindness and humor. If he also owns a studded belt from 2005, that's just a bonus.

FAQ

Where do you meet emo guys?

Emo nights, pop-punk and emo shows, record shops, skate parks and festivals like When We Were Young are all good places. Online, alt dating apps and live chat rooms are full of emo guys looking to meet people.

How do I get an emo boyfriend?

Go where emo guys already hang out, lead with shared music, and be yourself. A specific, friendly opener about a band or song he likes works a lot better than trying to look a certain way.

Do emo guys wear makeup?

Some do, some don't. Eyeliner and painted nails have been part of emo style since the 2000s, but there's no rule. Whatever he wears, the respectful move is to compliment it or just let it be.

What are emo boyfriend green flags?

He shares music with you, remembers what you like, shows up to things that matter to you and is kind to your friends. A sense of humor about the whole emo label is a great sign too.