50 Conversation Starters for Goths and Alt People

Every alt person has been there: you match with someone cool, or you pop into a chat room, and your brain goes completely blank. These 50 conversation starters are made for goths, emos, punks, metalheads and anyone else in the scene. Use them in DMs, in group chats, on a first date or in line for the coat check at a show.

Why music questions work so well

In the alt world, music isn't just background noise. It's how people found the scene, how they dress, and who they hang out with. That's why music questions are the easiest way in. Everyone has a story about the first band that changed things for them, and most people are thrilled to tell it.

The other trick: ask about something specific. "What's your favorite band?" is fine. "What's the one album you'd make everyone listen to?" is better, because it invites a story instead of a single word.

Music conversation starters

1. What song got you into the scene?
2. Who's a band you love that nobody else seems to know?
3. What's the last album you listened to all the way through?
4. If you could see any band live, from any year, who and when?
5. What's your go-to song for getting ready to go out?
6. Which band do you have the most unpopular opinion about?
7. What was the best show you've ever been to?
8. What's your current song on repeat?
9. If your life had a soundtrack, what's the opening track?
10. Vinyl, cassettes, CDs or streaming, and why?
11. What's a song that instantly puts you in a good mood?
12. Who would you want to DJ your birthday party?

If you're on Alt Chat, you can skip half the guesswork: every profile can have an Anthem, a song that plays when you visit. Asking "Why did you pick that song?" is one of the easiest openers there is. Want help choosing your own? Read our guide on how to pick a profile song.

Style and fashion conversation starters

13. What's the best thing you've ever found at a thrift store?
14. How long does your eyeliner take on a good day?
15. What's one piece of clothing you'd save in a fire?
16. Platforms or combat boots?
17. Who or what inspires your style the most?
18. What's the most compliments you've ever gotten on an outfit?
19. Do you have a signature color that isn't black?
20. What did your style look like when you first got into the scene?
21. What's the next tattoo or piercing on your list?
22. If you had to dress in only one subculture forever, which one?

Movies, books and spooky stuff

23. What's your comfort horror movie?
24. Team vampires, witches or ghosts?
25. What movie do you watch every October?
26. Who's your favorite fictional goth?
27. Have you ever been on a ghost tour or a cemetery walk?
28. What's a book that totally hooked you?
29. What's the scariest thing that's ever happened to you?
30. If you could live inside one movie's aesthetic, which one?
31. What's a horror movie you think is overrated?
32. Do you believe in anything supernatural, even a little?

For more movie fuel, our list of the best goth movies is a great follow-up topic.

Fun "would you rather" and hypotheticals

33. Would you rather live in a castle with no Wi-Fi or a tiny apartment above a record shop?
34. Would you rather only listen to one band forever or never hear your favorite band again?
35. If you were a creature of the night, what would you be?
36. Would you rather go to a goth club every week or a huge festival once a year?
37. If you could have one Addams Family member as a roommate, who?
38. What would your villain origin story be?
39. Would you rather have a pet bat or a pet raven?
40. If you opened a shop, what would you sell?

Late-night and get-to-know-you questions

41. Are you a night owl or a secret early riser?
42. What do you usually do when you can't sleep?
43. What's something you're really into right now?
44. What's your perfect Saturday?
45. What's a small thing that always makes your day better?
46. What's the best city you've ever been to for the alt scene?
47. How did you find your people?
48. What's something you've always wanted to try but haven't yet?
49. What's the most "you" thing you own?
50. What's a hill you will absolutely die on?

Night owls, these work great in a live room. Alt Chat has always-open Night Chats like "Can't sleep" where people hang out at 3 a.m., and a question like number 42 gets everyone talking. More on that in our guide to late-night chat for night owls.

How to use these without sounding like a quiz

A list of questions is a starting point, not a script. Nobody wants to feel interviewed. Here's how to keep it natural:

• Answer your own question. "What's your comfort horror movie? Mine is The Lost Boys, I've seen it way too many times." Now they have something to react to.
• Follow up. If they say they saw a band in 2008, ask what the crowd was like. The follow-up is where the real conversation happens.
• Use their profile. A photo, a bio line or a song is always a better opener than a random question.
• Match their energy. If they reply with short answers, keep it light. If they write a paragraph, go deeper.
• Don't fire off five questions at once. One at a time feels like chatting. Five at once feels like a form.

What to skip

A few openers almost never land:

• Just "hey" or "hi" with nothing else.
• Comments about someone's body.
• "Are you a real goth?" or anything that tests their scene credentials.
• "You'd be prettier if you smiled." Nope.

Your turn

Pick three of these, save them in your notes, and try one tonight. Most people are just as nervous as you are and will be happy you broke the ice. If you're messaging someone you'd like to date, our guide to your first message in alt dating has more tips for making that first line count.

FAQ

What is a good conversation starter with a goth?

Ask about music, since almost every goth has strong opinions about it. Something like "What song got you into the scene?" or "Who's the most underrated band you love?" opens things up fast and feels natural.

How do I start a conversation in a chat room?

Say hi to the room and toss out an easy question everyone can answer, like what they're listening to right now. Then reply to whoever answers and ask a follow-up, which turns a group chat into a real conversation.

What should I not say when starting a conversation?

Skip just "hey" with nothing else, comments on someone's body, and questions like "Are you a real goth?" Lead with curiosity about their taste, their style or something on their profile instead.

How do I keep a conversation going?

Ask open questions, share a bit about yourself in return, and pick up on details they mention. If they name a band or a movie you don't know, ask about it, since people love explaining the things they love.