How to Make Alt Friends as an Adult: 15 Real Tips

Making friends in school was easy because you were stuck in the same room as the kid with the eyeliner and the same band shirt as you. As an adult, nobody hands you a homeroom. If you want to make alt friends now, you have to build your own, and the good news is that it's very doable once you know where to look.

Here's a practical, low-awkwardness guide.

Why it feels harder now

You're not doing anything wrong. Adult life just removes the stuff that made friendship automatic: shared schedules, seeing the same faces every day and lots of free time. Friends move cities, have kids, change jobs or just drift away from the scene.

Friendship mostly comes from repetition. You see someone a few times, you chat a little more each time, and then one day someone says "want to grab food after?" Your job is to create more of those repeat encounters with people who like the same things you do.

Where alt adults actually meet

Regular club nights

Monthly goth, darkwave, emo or industrial nights are friend factories. Same DJs, same regulars, same corner of the bar. If you go three times in a row, you'll start getting nods. Go six times and you'll have people to dance with. If emo is more your thing, our guide to emo nights explains how to find one near you.

Local shows

Small shows beat big arena concerts for meeting people. There's time between bands, a merch table to hang around and a crowd small enough to recognize faces next month. We have a whole guide on how to make friends at concerts if you want more detail.

Shops and markets

Record stores, vintage shops, oddities markets and alt clothing pop-ups attract exactly your crowd, at a calmer volume than a club. Staff tend to know what's on this weekend. Ask them.

Hobby spaces

Not everything has to be music. Alt people show up in lots of places:

Horror movie screenings and film clubs
Tattoo conventions and flash days
Tabletop and board game nights
Life drawing and art classes
Roller derby, skating and climbing gyms
Cemetery history walks and ghost tours
Book clubs for horror, gothic fiction or weird lit

Online first, then in person

Some of the best friendships now start in a chat. You find someone who loves the same bands, you talk for a week, then you realize they're 20 minutes away. Look at our list of the best online alt communities for options. On Alt Chat, the Meet tab isn't only for dating. You can swipe through alt people nearby and just say you're looking for show buddies.

How to start the conversation

Most people at alt events are happy to talk. They're just waiting for someone else to go first. Some easy openers:

"Your boots are incredible. Where did you get them?"
"Have you been to this night before? Is the DJ always this good?"
"Who are you most excited to see tonight?"
"I'm new to the city. Where else should I be going?"
"Is that a Bauhaus patch? I haven't met anyone else here who likes them."

Compliments on outfits are basically a love language in alt spaces. People put real effort into their look, and they notice when you notice. Ask questions, then actually listen to the answers.

Turning hellos into actual friends

This is the step most people skip. You had a great chat at the bar, and then you never see them again. Fix that:

Ask for their handle before the night ends. "Let's follow each other so I know when you're going to the next one" feels natural, not pushy.
Follow up within a few days. Send a song, a photo from the night or a link to the next event.
Make a specific plan. "We should hang out sometime" rarely happens. "There's a darkwave night on the 14th, want to go?" does.
Invite them into something you're already doing. A record store trip, a horror movie at home, thrifting on Saturday.
Be the person who organizes. Every friend group has someone who sends the group text. It might as well be you.

Make it easier on yourself

Have a "home base"

Pick one or two regular spots and commit to them for a few months. It's better to be a regular at one place than a stranger at ten.

Dress how you actually like to dress

Your outfit is a signal. When you wear the platform boots, the band shirt or the black lipstick, other alt people can spot you from across the room. It does half the introducing for you.

Let your profile do some talking

Online, music is a shortcut to connection. On Alt Chat, every profile can have an Anthem, a song that plays when people visit. If someone sees your Siouxsie and the Banshees or My Chemical Romance pick, they already have a reason to message you. Our guide on how to pick a profile song can help.

Be open beyond your exact subgenre

Your new best friend might be a metalhead even though you're a romantic goth, or a pop-punk fan even though you love industrial. The alt world is wide, and the overlap is where the fun happens.

What if there's no scene near you?

If you live somewhere with no goth night and no record store, don't give up. Start with online friends, plan meetups at shows in the nearest bigger city, and consider starting something small yourself, like a monthly horror movie night or a thrift trip. We wrote a whole guide on being a goth in a small town with more ideas.

A quick weekly plan

Monday: Check event listings and follow two local promoters.
Wednesday: Chat with someone new online about music.
Friday or Saturday: Go to one alt event, even if it's solo.
Sunday: Message one person you met to make a real plan.

Do that for a couple of months and you'll have people to text when a band you love announces a tour. That's the whole goal.

FAQ

How do you make alt friends as an adult?

Go to the same alt events more than once, like club nights, local shows or record store sales, so people start to recognize you. Pair that with online spaces where alt people chat, then turn a good conversation into a simple plan like a show or a coffee.

Where can I meet goth friends?

Goth club nights, post-punk and darkwave shows, vintage and record shops, horror movie screenings and cemetery walks are all good places. Online, alt apps and chat rooms let you find goths nearby before you meet in person.

Is it weird to go to a goth night alone?

Not at all. Lots of people go solo, especially to regular club nights. Stand near the bar or the edge of the dance floor, compliment someone's outfit and you'll usually be talking within the hour.

How long does it take to make friends as an adult?

It takes time and repetition, so don't judge it by one night. Seeing the same people again and again is what turns strangers into friends, so pick a couple of regular spots and stick with them for a few months.