How to Meet Alternative People Online: A Friendly Guide

Your coworkers think Joy Division is a furniture store. Your town's idea of nightlife is a chain restaurant. And yet somewhere out there, there's someone who wants to talk about deathrock, platform boots and the best horror films of the 1980s with you. The easiest way to meet alternative people today is to start online, then bring it into the real world.

Here's how to do that well.

Why online works so well for alt people

Alt scenes are amazing, but they can be small and scattered. Your city might have one goth night a month and a single record shop. Online, you can find people who share your exact mix of interests, whether that's black metal and knitting or emo and true crime podcasts.

It also takes the pressure off. You can chat about music for a week before you ever meet, so the first in-person hang feels like seeing a friend, not a stranger.

Where alternative people hang out online

Alt-focused apps

General dating apps make you explain yourself. "No, I'm not going to a costume party, I just dress like this." Apps built for alternative people skip that step. Everyone already gets it.

On Alt Chat, you can:

Meet: swipe through alt people nearby or anywhere in the world.
Chat in Night Chats: jump into live group rooms like "Hello" or "Can't sleep", or start your own 24-hour room.
Post in Realm: share threads, photos and music videos, and comment on others.
Join Groups: find people around a shared interest.

It works for dating, but plenty of people use it just to find friends and show buddies. For a broader comparison, see our guide to alternative dating apps.

Discord servers

There are Discord servers for nearly every alt interest: goth music, metal subgenres, alt fashion, horror films, specific bands and regional scenes. Look for active servers with good moderation.

Subreddits for goth, emo, punk and metal are great for recommendations and outfit feedback. Some have regional threads or meetup posts too.

Local scene pages

Promoters, record stores, tattoo studios and alt shops often run active social pages. Commenting on a club night's post is low-key online networking for your own city.

Bigger list

We put together a full rundown of the best online alt communities if you want even more places to look.

How to stand out (in a good way)

Photos that look like you

Use a few clear, recent photos that show your real style. Mix it up: one close-up, one full outfit, one doing something you love, like digging through records or exploring an old cemetery in daylight. Skip the group shots where nobody knows which one is you.

Get specific

"I like music" says nothing. "Currently obsessed with Drab Majesty, Lebanon Hanover and anything with a drum machine" gives people something to grab onto. Same with hobbies. "Horror movies" is fine. "Will watch any 1970s Italian horror film with you" is better.

Our full guide on writing an alt dating profile has more examples, and it works for friendship profiles too.

Use music as a door

Music is the fastest way into an alt conversation. On Alt Chat, every profile can have an Anthem, a music video that plays when someone visits. It tells people more about you in five seconds than a paragraph does.

Try Altify for fun

If you're newer to alt style or just want to see yourself in full goth mode, Altify turns your profile photo into an alt or goth version in one tap. It's a fun icebreaker, though a few real photos are still the best way to show who you are.

How to start a conversation

The best first messages are about something on their profile:

"Your Anthem is perfect. How did you find that band?"
"Where did you get those boots? I've been looking for some like that."
"You said you love horror. What's the last one that actually scared you?"
"I see you're into post-punk. What's the best band you've discovered this year?"

Skip the plain "hey." It's easy to ignore. A question about something real is not.

Turning online into in person

Online friendships are real friendships, but there's something special about finally standing next to someone at a show. To get there:

Chat for a while first. Get a feel for the person.
Video call if you can. It's a quick way to make sure they are who they say they are.
Pick an easy first hang. A show, a record store, a café, a daytime cemetery walk. Somewhere public with something to do.
Tell a friend where you're going. And get there and home on your own.
Keep it short the first time. You can always plan a second hang.

We have a full list of online dating safety tips that apply to friend meetups too.

Don't only look for "the one"

A lot of people go online looking only for a date, then feel let down when sparks don't fly. Try widening the net. Meeting alternative people online is just as good for finding:

Show buddies to split gas money and stand next to at the barrier
Thrift partners who know which store gets the best black coats
Music friends who send you new darkwave every Friday
Local guides who can tell you which club night is worth it
Creative partners for a band, a zine, a photo shoot or a DJ night

Friendships often turn into the best social circles, and plenty of couples started as two friends who kept going to the same shows. Keep an open mind about where a good connection leads.

Be the kind of person people want to meet

Be kind. Alt spaces are better when people are welcoming.
Don't gatekeep. Nobody needs to prove they're goth enough.
Reply. If someone messages you and you're interested, answer. If not, a quick polite "no thanks" is better than vanishing.
Show up. If you make plans, keep them.

Meeting alternative people online is mostly about putting yourself out there with a little honesty and a lot of good music taste. Make your profile, say something specific to someone interesting and see where it goes.

FAQ

Where can I meet alternative people online?

Alt-focused apps, live chat rooms, Discord servers, Reddit communities and the social pages of local club nights are all good places. Apps built for alternative people make it easier because everyone there already shares part of your taste.

What app is best for alternative people?

Pick an app made for the alt community rather than a general dating app, so you don't have to explain your style. Alt Chat is a free Android app where goths, emos, punks and metalheads meet, chat in live rooms, share music and date.

How do I make my profile stand out to alt people?

Use clear, recent photos that show your real style, name specific bands instead of just saying you like music, and give people an easy thing to ask you about. A profile song is a great shortcut, since music is the fastest way into an alt conversation.

Is it safe to meet people from the internet?

It can be, with some care. Chat for a while, video call if you can, meet in a busy public place, tell a friend where you're going and get yourself there and home on your own.